So many of us believe a lie that keeps us paralyzed from taking action. This lie tells us that we have to wait until we “feel better” to accomplish anything of value. If you allow this lie to take root, it can actually be the very thing standing in the way of you getting healed. 

Early on in my journey with postpartum anxiety, I believed that I was incapable of taking care of my daughter alone. I believed that I would only be able to take care of her on my own once I was over postpartum anxiety. And that simply couldn’t be further from the truth. 

I was completely capable of caring for her as I was (anxious and afraid). But I allowed the lie I believed to hold me back from actually doing it.

Take exercise for example, many people think they have to have motivation to exercise. In reality, the motivation to exercise often comes from exercising. How crazy is that? 

I’m currently in the midst of my 99th “get fit” journey and I’ve learned a thing or two along the way. The more I exercise, the more motivated I feel to exercise. The healthier I eat, the more motivated I feel to eat healthy. You’re most motivated to do the very thing you’re doing right now. So if you want to change your life, change your actions. 

I could talk about a million (okay, maybe not literally a million, but several) different types of changes you could make. But today, I want to talk to you about the quickest change you can make – changing your physical behavior.  

Identify the behaviors you need to change

 

You may easily be able to identify some of the changes you need to make, others may be a bit more challenging. The best way to identify the behaviors that are not serving you is to think about how you are currently spending your time. 

What do you do most of the day? 

I can only speak for myself, but when I was experiencing postpartum anxiety, I spent 90% percent of my day engrossed in activities that only brought my mood down further. I can recall one day sitting on the couch for at least a good six hours straight “researching” different solutions for postpartum depression. I found several doctors, filled out more information forms than I can count and even printed off a 10+ page application for an inpatient program. 

Meanwhile, I had already begun seeing a therapist. It just wasn’t working “quick enough” so I “needed” to find another solution. Have you ever worked out for a week and stepped on the scale only to find you were pretty much the same weight as when you started? That was me, I was expecting the postpartum depression to be gone in an unrealistic timeframe.

There were days when I barely got up from my bed. I’d spend hours scrolling through social media looking at all the perfect moms who had it all together. There were also days where I didn’t shower or eat. My family would invite me to the table for dinner and I’d decline. I just didn’t feel up to it. 

I’m sure your story looks different than mine, but we all have some behaviors that aren’t beneficial. Your job is to identify them. If you’re having trouble listing out behaviors, I’d encourage you to do a time study. Take a few days and literally write down what you do every hour. Fans of The Office (like me) may recall the episode where Jan told Pam to “keep a log of everything Michael does hour by hour so we can analyze it at corporate.” You are Pam (and you are also Michael), track everything you do and then attempt to measure the value of those activities. In other words, was it a good use of your time?

If you find that an activity was not a good use of your time, jot it down as a behavior you’d like to change. 

Determine the behaviors you want to have

 

Next, you’ll want to determine the behaviors you want to have. To do this you can ask yourself “How would I behave in this situation if I wasn’t struggling with [postpartum depression or anxiety]?” 

When I went through this activity three plus years ago, I came up with a mile long list of all the things I’d do if I didn’t have to deal with postpartum anxiety. Some items were small – I’d get up every morning and shower. Other items were bigger – I’d be fine with Jere returning to work full time while I care for the kids. I didn’t filter myself as I dreamed of all that I would do if postpartum anxiety weren’t in the picture. 

When it comes to dealing with postpartum depression, is there anything you currently feel like you can’t do, but want to do? If so, add it to the list.

This list will become your goal sheet. Once you’ve added some activities, take a moment to sort and organize your list from easiest to hardest behaviors. In my case, taking a shower every morning and eating three meals a day were my easiest behaviors so they were at the top of my list. However, I’ve worked with clients who would have rated showering daily as a challenge. Your rating system is unique to you.

Make changes to your behavior

 

With your organized goal sheet in hand, you’re now ready to make quick changes to your behavior. The key here is to focus on making small, consistent changes, not drastic one time changes. It’s worth repeating, you need to focus on small, consistent changes. Trying to focus on a drastic stretch goal first can be a recipe for disaster. Pick one or two behavioral changes from the top of your list and commit to them for at least 21 days. 

The mistake we often make as the microwave generation (myself included) is wanting to see immediate results. Unfortunately for us, these things take time. You may not see the benefit from changing your behavior for three or more weeks. That’s why it’s so important to just commit to the journey and trust the process. 

I highly recommend using a daily tracker and evaluating your process weekly. Along the way, celebrate all the small wins. As silly as it may sound, I celebrated showering for a week straight. I was proud of myself for sticking to my word and doing exactly what I said I would do. I also celebrated eating three meals in a day. Celebrate all the wins!

It might not seem like much, but these seemingly small actions can change everything. Whether or not you know it, your behaviors impact your emotions and vice versa. So making these small behavioral modifications over time will change the way you feel. 

If you’re ready to get started with your behavioral modification journey, be sure to check out our programs.

Praying for you,

Arielle Wozniak