For some time now, my oldest son, Abram, has wrestled with fear at night. Whenever it’s time for bed, you can visibly see the fear on his face. Every night we pray together in the living room as a family before heading upstairs to get the kids ready for bed. During this prayer time, for at least the past three years, he’s prayed every night not to have any [scary] dreams.
We all agree with him in prayer, go upstairs, brush the kids’ teeth and tuck the boys in for bed.
That’s been our routine for years now. Lately, however, he began asking Jere and I to pray over him again once he got in bed. The other night as we tucked him in, tears began to fill his eyes. I asked him what was wrong and he begged Jere and I to let him sleep with us because he was afraid “something bad might happen.” We did our best to comfort him, but our words went in one ear and out the other.
In frustration, I began praying over him “Lord, would you please give Abram peace tonight? Would you remind him of your truth – that you are always with him, he has nothing to fear. Would you remind him that he’s gone to sleep every night for the past NINE years and nothing has EVER happened to him?” As soon as the words exited my lips I heard him let out what sounded like a chuckle. I continued praying, “would you help him not to believe the lies of the enemy and instead embrace your truth? You’ve protected him for nine years, I know you’ll continue to do the same tonight and every night, remind him Lord, amen!”
When I opened my eyes, Abram was smiling back at me. I kissed him goodnight, walked out, closed the door and within minutes he was asleep.
The next night as we got ready for bed, he didn’t seem anxious like he normally was. After I tucked him in and prayed over him, he said “you know why I wasn’t afraid anymore last night?” I asked why and he responded “because you reminded me that nothing has happened for the past nine years.”
Whether you believe it or not, your thoughts have so much power. The amazing thing is that your thoughts are fluid. You can believe one thing now (in Abram’s case, something bad might happen while you’re sleeping) and believe something totally different two seconds from now (that bad thing is not likely to happen).
The bible (and science) teach us that your thoughts shape who you are now and who you will become. The simple process of thinking, impacts the very structure of your brain. Through your thought life, you have the power to reshape your brain and completely change your life.
Have you ever noticed the more you practice something or think about it, the easier it becomes? Take Abram for example, for the past few years he’s been rehearsing tragedy in his brain every night. So much so that the very thought of bedtime now triggers feelings of anxiety. Bedtime is not the issue, his beliefs about bedtime are the issue. The neural pathway he’d created in his brain from this toxic belief triggered an automatic thought without him even trying. Day after day, it became easier for him to be afraid at bedtime as the pathway was strengthened by this continuous practice.
However, when I reminded him of the truth, he was presented with the opportunity to believe something different and build a new neural pathway, changing the shape of his brain. This new pathway has only been traveled a few times so it’s not nearly as strong as the other, but it was enough to bring him clarity and peace the past few nights. And as time passes and this pathway gets stronger, I know that this fear will become a thing of the past.
The cool thing is, this experience is not unique to Abram. Every day you are presented with the same opportunity to restructure your brain. If you learn how to tap into this powerful tool, you’ll unlock the ability to overcome any fear in your life. I’ll share three quick tips to help you get started.
Get Curious
On any given day there are more 6,000 thoughts running through your head. Most of them run rogue in our subconscious. I highly recommend spending five minutes each day sitting in silence and observing your thoughts. If you’re feeling afraid or anxious, ask yourself why. What is it that you believe that has triggered the fear?
Just this morning, I was working out with a YouTube video from one of my favorite instructors when I started to feel anxious. I decided to explore my thoughts to find the root cause. I wanted to understand why I “randomly” started to feel this way when just two minutes earlier I was full of excitement and ready to take on the day.
As I got curious, I remembered that the last time I’d done one of her exercises I wasn’t feeling well. I was out of breath and felt faint. I ended up having to stop the workout because I started to get dizzy. I stopped working out for months after that.
It turns out that my brain associated her with dizziness. And dizziness for me is a trigger for anxiety.
Without me noticing, my brain followed an old pathway and led to me feeling anxious. Had I not gotten curious, I’d be none the wiser and likely would have carried that anxiety with me throughout the day.
Identify Any Lies
Because I got curious about my thoughts and emotions, I was able to identify the lie I had inadvertently believed – “working out is bad because I’ll end up dizzy and anxious.” With this lie in place, it’s no wonder I felt anxious three minutes into my workout.
When you bring thoughts to the conscious mind, it becomes a lot easier to not only examine them but to point out any lies you were believing. Just as Abram laughed as soon as he realized he’d been believing a lie, you’ll start to notice just how silly some of the things you believe are.
Replace Toxic Thoughts And Lies With Truth
Now that you know you’re believing a lie, it’s time to do something about it.
“What do I do?”
Tell yourself the truth. What is the truth about what you believe? Sometimes it’s not black and white. For example, someone could break into our house one night, but it’s unlikely that they would. I’ve been alive for 32 years and never experienced a break in. Abram has been alive for nine. This evidence suggests that it’s likely not going to happen and it’s simply not worth worrying about. We have our alarm system and cameras and trust that God will protect us. Worrying doesn’t bring about anything beneficial. In fact, it does the exact opposite.
Armed with the truth, we can all sleep peacefully tonight.
Praying for you,
Arielle Wozniak